Everyone has their first posts as just to describe themselves. I was just ordinary with them. Yes. That is me. The-one-who-BAHs is me. I am more than just a XX with two siblings, two parents, a huge extended family, adipose, and intelligence and so much more. Today I am going to write. Write my heart out because today. I need to change. Not the change you'll be expecting. A change just within me. I want people to know me. The real me. And just me and not beyond. You cannot judge me by the first impression I make on you. You shouldn't. Because I am unexpected. Yes, I am. Now enough with the phrases.
My dad named me after this song 'Sarah'. He said he loved it. And the day he got the news of his first daughter while living in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia (=/) he knew what was she to be named. =D That is why I love my name. Not by its pronunciation, or by the sound of it. But just by the history of it. I lived a year in Pakistan, where I was born was named Bhusa Mandi. Yes laugh all you want cause I laugh my ass off whenever I think of it. I then came to Riyadh when I was somewhat a year old. My phupho says I was like the best doll ever to be made. In my pink dress, she had never seen such beauty. I'm not exaggerating. =/ I lived like two years or so at my phupho's place. There lived my brothers. My phupho's sons. Adnan and Omer bhai. There's so much to write about them and maybe I can tear any second. This is how much they mean to me. Maybe at times I thought they were my real siblings. Well, then of course we moved on. Our own place, mum bore two more daughters, Sibgha and Manal. That was it. 'That' is what I regret now.
I have had an amazing life alhamdulilah. Ordinary but amazing. There are things which are bad, of course there are, for nothing is perfect no one either. I have always been the quietest of the three. To some people it was my arrogance. Truth be told, it was not. I never was the chatterbox or any such sort. Quiet, in my own world, and observing, it was purely me. I was a genius all this time. Best grades. High scores. My dad was so proud of me. Till this day I know he is. And I am SO proud of him. He is the one I look up to at times, because he has dealt with things so bravely and so elegantly; too good to be true. My dad spent almost all his life in various parts of the world. From Romania to America, Italy to Pakistan, what not. I think he enjoyed it and I enjoy it too, looking at his pictures with people of all sorts of races and not just Asians. I believe variety is the spice of life. Deep within me, USA is a part of me, because it's a huge part of my dad. =) My dad studied a lot, all based upon scholarships and big numbers, that's one of the reasons I love him, because he persuaded me to do the same. So much to say, summing up I love my Papa. =')
My mum's dad passed away when she was only five. Maybe she doesn't know what's the dad's love and so she lets our dad spoil us. My mum has the cutest writing and I try to write like her but I guess it's just out of my league. =p She's made sacrifices, for us, for my dad. So words are never enough. So Mama, I love you so much and your ras-malai <3.>
My mum wanted to have a son named Ali. My dad would make me pray that I have a brother. I was young at that time, so I would retaliate and go like, 'No, I want another sister'. And Allah answered my prayers. After that, my mum was never well. She went to gynecologist after gynecologist, wanting a cure for whatever had happened. Of course, we never knew, but now I do. I wanted a brother I still do, but maybe it's for the betterment. Well, I spent a good childhood alhamdulilah. Great friends, actually the best of friends, great school, cousins, food, all in all life were oh-so-wow. Then, there was FRIKSION. Something I loved so much, that everyday I'd just be up for school to meet my friends. We had our days. There were boys and fun. Then there was O'levels, results, and soon came the good-byes. We were more than friends, just like sisters. As time passed, secrets were no more to just one person. I miss it every day. Every single day. The corner of the pretty-green-area, the cuddling in the winters, there was so much. Deep in our hearts we still have it there, but nothing's practical anymore. Nothing's the same anymore.
As I said earlier, I wanted a brother, so God granted me one. Not exactly a blood brother but yes a brother and he is an important part of my life. I refer to him as family and we've had many of those moments simple brothers and sisters do. Almost two years and we almost talk every day. It's good and weird at the same time when you have a brother and the rest of your siblings don't. =p I expect a lot from him because there's still more that I need. It was in our grade 9 when my best friend told me her mum was expecting a son. That was the day, when I knew something was missing in my life. I wanted a brother so badly that day, and it hurts to know that now I can't. And that is why I love my not-blood-brother so much and treasure him.
Exploring more I see myself as a good person, but when people think of you the wrong way, it hurts and you don't like it. I don't like it at all. There are people in my extended family who think 'wrong' of me. If you've lived some of your life in Riyadh with the internet as being a part of you entertainment, you know what I mean. But I'm not that. Please understand that I'm not what you think I am. I'm a very good person, I know it. I treasure and enjoy the pleasure of my religion. Mostly, I pray alhamdulilah. I use my religion wherever it's possible to use it, almost everywhere. I find great importance of it in my life. I love my God. When I was young, I used to wonder what people mean when they say love God and how you can love God, now I know it. Hard to explain but that's its intensity. So glorious.
To most people, I am a nerd. Well I agree to some extent I am. Maybe to some extent I would find studying better than getting shrills on the Parent-Teacher-Meeting day. Once again, if you have lived your life in where I am living, you'll know what I mean. I like getting good grades. Not that it's the only thing that matters to me, but yes I like being a good student because it's something which makes me happy sometimes and I know that I'm going to reach my goal someday Insha'Allah. I want to be a gynecologist. The world's best gynecologist. It's my passion. I want that to happen. To some it might be like = Ew. But no, if you look it through my eyes and have the heart I have, you'll know what's a miracle and what's not.
I have so many plans for life. So many. Mostly it's to do with the spectrum or as in physics 'a band of lights'. I love color. Every sort, from turquoise to brown, pink to bold red, all of them have their own specialty. I want my bedroom to be like a rainbow where I have black for the gloom maybe and teal for hope. Maybe I also want to do some study about colors, like to know about every color's name and origin. Wah. I also want to travel the entire world, meet new people and every sort of culture. I love making friends like I love it. I just want so many people to like me. I also want to learn about religion, not just my religion but also Christianity and Jewish, and know what's so different when we're all the Ahl-e-Kitaab.
While reading it, you might think my life is simple and all, well it's not. Things have happened. Things have happened to me. All sorts of things. From being smooched to not having a serious relationship ever. If you've lived in Riyadh and not been to the Nasriyah School you kind of do know what I mean. Life in Riyadh is so different. It's like a separate world you know. I live in a country where petrol is cheaper than water. Where a woman can fly an airplane but not drive a car. Where there's money but not brains to know how to use it. This is Riyadh, the capital of the KSA. I loved living here all my life until I found out they can't let me travel by air to the gulf countries. That day I swore at them. So see, moments can change your opinions, like many environments do.
Funny how I've joined Blogger since so long and actually blog now. It's because of an inspiration. Because I am a crazy diamond and I'm here to shine. =)