Saturday, April 25, 2009


So I'm the only teenager in the car, and it comes to me that right now being the only child with the parents, I may have had a lifetime experience and also a boring phase with no siblings to talk to, to argue with, to make fun of. That is... life?

My mum in the car is all silent and quiet due to certain reasons so I'm the only one who's talking to my dad. We're talking about everything whatsoever may be happening. Something happens to the car, and he's telling me about it just the way a father talks to his eldest son. And then the b
est thought in life occurred to me, I may be my dad's son!

I know it sounds oh-so-^o) but really, my dad treats me like that. Just like that. I am his first baby girl and the love one has for the first child is unconditional and one&only, I te
ll you. Endless. There's love and respect with a blend of reality. My dad loves me. Not the love a daughter gets from her mother, not the love where he'll make coffee for you and massage your head, not the affection when you scratch your knee. Nope. This love is much more than that. This love is about standing for your self. This love is about making cold-coffee when I'll have a flu, affection to scramble to the ground and get up myself. This love is about independence rather than reliance.

My dad has always respected me, always. Even when I was young, he'd respect my views and he always thought high of me. It used to be weird when other parents would just ignore suggestions given by their 8-year old child, while my dad would actually try whatever I suggested. We're more of friends. Me and my dad make a good team. We joke around and neither would mind anything. Of course, sometimes
I cross the line, but due to respect I always apologize.

Back in the years when we used to go to Pakistan for the holidays, people used to think that what an ill-mannered daughter I am, and I have no 'tameez' of talking to my dad. But actually, one thing they never knew was that we were different. Something hard to explain, something hard to understand.

My dad has never complained of not having a son, because it's not a huge issue for either of my parents, it's just me who wants to have a brother. :) So well, my dad's kind of trained me for hardware engineering. =p By 8 I think, I knew what was the screwdriver, the wrench, etc. and I loved helping him out. I was always scared of the ear-piercing sound of the drill, and the head-banging sound of the hammer but I got used to it. =D And it was nice! So well, I see a son in me somewhere. =D

He's called us his dreams come true. =D I'm his American dream, Sibgha the um, Saudi dream, because of her Palestinian touch and Manal his Pakistani dream because she's kind of... um, weird or something. =/ So well, I love being American dream and I love my name too. =D

He's given me all that I've ever desired. Really. I was the first one in my class to get a laptop at such a young age, the first one to get a cell phone and that also an i-mate-though it sucked. He might've spoiled me a bit but that doesn't matter at all to me. =D There's nothing more I could ever want but to be with my dad always. Always. (:

Just the way orange wants green, contacts want solution, Rija loves her mum, Sibgha loves Miranda Citrus, I love my dad! I love him from the bottom of my heart! The only thing that matters.
My Papa Jaani.


I've just come from one of the wonders of the world for me. A place so majestic, so pure. While everything is so Holy, there are things equally wild there. Yes, wild. Yes, things. Sadly, those things are us humans. Just for a place which maybe about 30 cm, a buffalo wants to fit in. Literally, a buffalo. Now, just imagine the cat fight they have there. Luckily, I don't understand Arabic as yet and so I miss out on some curse words, which is good to a degree.

The best part of it all is about the place. If you want to seclude yourself to God in a place crowded with millions- really, it's just the wisest choice. Ah! The fragrance of the black cloth upon the Ka'abah is the best scent I have ever smelt! I wish I could just sleep while holding it close to my face! =D Moreover, you get to see SO many races from all parts of the world. Mostly, Iranians and Syrians- the most ill-mannered, Indonesians, Indians, Sudanis and oh so many more. =D I wish I knew Arabic so I could communicate with them and know more about the world =D

So yesterday, I'm just all alone in the car and I have the backseat all to myself, every thing's quiet and I've started thinking about where I've been. It's such a Holy place, so many prophets have been, so many people wish to be there. So much love and so much fame. I always wanted the feeling of being all alone in the mosque, and it's all to you at the time. You can pray anywhere you want to, visit the Roza-e-Jannah as many times as you want to, pray for as long as your heart desires, and sleep next to the Ka'abah because you know you're protected by the best System ever to exist. =]

So what more does mankind want? They come to see one of the things, many billions want to visit, and all they do is swear to each other because by mistake one pushes the other? So why is everyone intelligent but still illiterate?

'Seek help through patience and Salah'


Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Only Time- Enya

Life. Maybe it's definition is still incomplete like that of love's. Maybe it's just so simple, that it's complicated to understand it. Or maybe it's unfair, supposed to be unfair. How cat-people are allergic to cat fur and have it in their mouth while eating Doritos, unfair I tell you.
An excess or lack of sleep gives me a bad flu. A very bad one. 50 sneezes/2 minutes.

But all that is not the point. The point here today is just about people and life. I've been touched by this blog about such a noble man. A man full of life, full of love, full of adventures. A man who loves his life, and has regrets but those regrets just strengthen him. Making him bold and composite, the regrets give him a reason to live on, to breathe on.

I've forgotten the purpose of this blog, maybe it's just random, maybe today I feel like living. Living life. Maybe today, I would want to be myself, random but much than a girl in Riyadh. I'll know things about me today I never knew. A new day has come, so let's live it. Let's love it. From every point of view, let's love people. They're in your life for a reason. A reason that influences you. =D Enya is in my life because her music knows me so well. Geography tells me what plateaus are actually. The sweaty hands cool me. Digestive digest me. You make me feel special because you're equally special.

So let's start loving everything we've been given, everything we have, even everything we least care.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Golden Sun

Sea Urchins. Echinoderms. Sea Star. Not Star Fish. Red-knobbed.
Fine Shine. Blurry Mind. *

Friday, April 10, 2009

Pond Of Water

When the sun comes out, it drains away the rain, no more gloom to fear, no more grey. Big puffy, fluffy, white, snowy clouds. And the sunny, yellow sun colours the sky. The birds chirp, and Riyadh is once again black and white.

I actually think I had the first good day of year '09. Four months passed by, and things were just not the same, until yesterday. Everyone seemed happy, everyone including mum. A lovely, neat dinner, pretty Italian and English, the second amazing dinner of the year, first being when our exclusive guests came up from Dubai and we had AMAZING biryani right after school. <3>

Some things just make so much difference just by their mere prescence.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

To You, And When The Heart Flips.

Now that you're gone. No, you never went away, deep inside you left a mark, a scar. A scar, never to be erased, never to be forgotten. It wasn't a matter of life or death. Maybe I made a mistake, maybe you made a mistake too, but either way I wanted it to go, continue. Go on and give something fruitful. Maybe. But, you just left me stranded just the next day, as if we were strangers. Were you afraid? Afraid of the society? Society that just laughed because they loved your laugh? While society meant all, I was what for you. Oh yes, just the simple darn. Ah. How predictful.

But life went on, didn't it? You went your way, while I waited, waited in hope. I don't regret it, I don't because it made me learn a lesson I should've. I don't feel a fool, because I just acted human, like you. Or were you human back then? I still find you, maybe just for pleasure. I still try to dream about you, I did type 'try'. Maybe, it's over. Over since long. Maybe I'm just slow like my metabolism. Oh well, I made many excuses to turn the truth upside down. But I guess you haven't forgotten of 'it' and have long forgotten me. :)

Yes, of course. The way your eyes met mine, the butterflie
s, and then that one blink which would bring me back to the ground. The late nights, the ruffling of your hair, the playing with the cold toes. *sigh* Now, that you're gone, it's all just memories. Truth be told, I miss you at times, miss you so much, that eventually I do dream about you, eventually I do think of you with every sad lyric, while you just sms. And that also sms everyone but me, from Mustafa to i-don't-know-who-else.

I remember how you respected me, and if I said yes it was a yes to you too. Where's everything gone? :) Where? And now the basement is
just a historical place for me, something antique, something I think about everyday, and never show it. When I'm high, I'm high because of you, when I'm low, I'm low because of you. Because I'm me, and that's what I love, I love me the way I am and so that's why I'm high, just to show you that after 3 years, I'm still staying alive. I'm still breathing. :) Are you?

Crime scene never gets disturbed. I can't cut the part of my life, because I want to. Maybe I don't want to. And why do I feel like puking? Water after coffee? Or is it you?

I think sometimes, I think whether I should ever tell my future-partner about you, me and the history we share? And how you'd react to me getting marrie
d, getting far from you, not anymore your's, and is that okay? Of course, you'll never answer, because you'll never know.

You said you'll be a software engineer, stay at home, help the kids out, while I'm busy at the hospital. Now, it just makes me smile. How'd you ask me to lay besides you just so I could play with your hair. :) How'd I tell you what hairstyle to keep because y
ou loved your hair more than me. How'd I always tell you not to apply gel because it would ruin your hair's texture and so you stopped using it... :)

So after all these years, 3 years man, 3! I hope you get what you need, or whatsoever makes you live. Because, I'm gone and you've lo
st me. The rest is in destiny's hand.