Exploration

So I'm still discovering the secrets the Earth encloses, I'm still opening cupboards to find leftovers. I'm still typing to make new words and new sentences to make new paragraphs and so disclosing new aspects of life. So like I begin to post something serious, something meaningful to the other side of me. Something more than colourful text and images full of life, because there's always a tear after a smile so be ready for it and not whine after you set your own consequences.

I'm tired of life, not high with it and not low. I am just plain bored, tired. Because I think of death everyday. Every single day since last week, and it is so freaky because I'm scared of the phone ringing, I'm scared when someone shouts my name, I am scared when my dad reaches home late, and I'm even scared when Sibgha doesn't wake up from her deep sleep. I think I should stop thinking a lot about it since it's bad to think too deep since it affects you, I think.

Everyday there's some news of someone dying and it increases day by day and it's so sad. Why is it so sad, why? Why do bad news exist? Why can't life just be happy? Why is poverty on it's highest scale? Why can we just not sleep all day, why can't we just relax and live life the way we want to? Eat peanuts so much without gaining in a calorie, why not just relax and swim so deep that it's hard to rise to the surface? Why can't we swim in the cool, deep blue sea and just swim so good that you don't have to breathe? Why can't we just dance on streets without people staring at us? Why is life not easy as 1, 2, 3? And there exist so many more questions.

I wonder how many ants I would've killed in my whole entire life, yes, by mistake but there would be so many. And if I alone kill that much, what about the whole of Pakistan? And of course, the global killing of ants. But they must have their own mechanisms about it.

So the whole point is, right now, just right now for the first time in my entire life, I had tears in my eyes and I did not cry. It's not because I'm missing someone or I got scolded or I was slapped or hurt by the handle of the door or any such matter. I just teared because I was low, and still am low. Is that bad? It shouldn't be, should it? It's okay to cry, yeah? To let out the anger, the sadness and even the foremost happiness?

I would want a perfect life. A life without the excess use of the internet. I'm not addicted, okay maybe I am. I'm just disgusted by the thought that I spend hours on the most useless thing and mostly, just doing nothingand just staring at the screen waiting for something to pop up and say surpirse and worse of all facebook-ing. Honestly, facebook should die. It's just an excuse to stalk people. 'Omg. X just uploaded a picture with her skin showing, omg, she's so going to hell.' Ef that. And then you start reading their comments and wham, it's all over facebook and soon the whole school knows about it all. 'She has more guys in her friend list than girls, omg, she got a ticket to hell!' Like you're so good, haina? Uf. And then their amazingly cheap statuses in which they never the goddamn person's name and go like... 'He's such a dash, he dumped me! :( :( :( :( :'((((((' UFF. And then you click on more comments to see whether you know who the guy was. Faltoo kaam. So maybe, I'll just deactivate the worst part of my life for a while, just stay away from people who are just too farigh.

So now it's like 8.40 which is effed because I have a Unit 2 test of Chemistry and I haven't studied shit and all I've done is sit back and found a major excuse to make my bum more fat and blunt and wide. Moreover, gained adipose on my tummy, and my thighs and legs and because of wow Biology, I don't even have time to work out or drink water.

No, that's my fault, I can't blame bio for everything, give it a break. Millions of people studies more than I do and never ended up with a dry, bad skin with pinkness over the fair and so you're like a blend with patches and then of course, so wide, it's hard to carry your own arse. So it's like inevitable to be disgusted by it sometimes. Life goes on and people leave, people come you succeed, and you fail; ups and downs.

I think I blame my lowness to my exclusive iTunes playlist because, it's always at shuffle so I'll be listening to the most jolly song ever and in the next 4 minutes it switches to an R'n'B and soon to easy listening and the sad love songs. Just like, 'Now That You're Gone' by Ryan Adams. It's so low, that it pulls you from your highest enery leve to the lowest and thus releasing a photon of light. And so it's about time, I get up, scramble to my feet to catch a branch of silsa and escape from the swallowings of the quick-sand. Enough. =p

So, ladies and gentleman, I give you a happier version of me, once again and I hope I drink water now, since the spices have drained the H2O out of me.

Live your life, even in the cold November rain.

Courage

Soldiers make me SO proud.

Miracles

I don't like kids that much, only those which are cute and cheeky. Children, ugh, puh-lease. Kids are so dumb when they're newborns but that's like comprehensive but those who're just kids as in from age 7-12 are just not my type. Well, I've been through that phase of life and everyone has to as long as their destined for it.

I like adorable kids those with their cute nose and tiny fingers, ah! Okay, maybe I also like newborns. Especially their toes, beauty.Those big round eyes above the amazing dippled cheeks, the cute little nosy :) the small hands which grip your thumb so firmly it's hard to let go. Offsprings as biology would refer to them; individuals with their own langauages which always leave you wondering.

But I'm rather amused by how they come to existence, you know. Just by two specialized cells. That's it. Two and you get millions and billions of building blocks just to give you a shape. There's a part of biology which can't just explain the love one has for that cluster of cells. Safe and protected in a sac of love. :) I don't care about the hardwork, the energy spent, the money you get, but some people need advises, some need consolation, some need just one more chance. Maybe that's my purpose of existence. Adding some happiness to a couple's life, by just helping them out, that's my passion. Passion for gynecology.

If you're one of those who remark my passion as 'Ew! Gross, damn.', then I'm sorry God didn't bless you with the sense of intensity. :) Life's short and beautiful. Someday you'll find your 'the one' and someday you'll have a life of your own, a family of your own, from giggle-y laughs to beautiful, thick, crystal-clear tears. Every person dreams of a family with kids numbering from 1 to double digits. Yes, population is rising but some people need to do what they do. :)

I've never thought about ultrasounds that much, but I saw an episode of One Tree Hill with Peyton for her ultrasound and beautiful God! :) The lub-dub sounds echoing through the very narrow arteries, the tiny figures on that monitor apparently looking like a lizard. Ah. Beauty, man. I would die to have that thing just in you, you know. Like it's a living life in a living life. I'm stupidly in love with the thoughts.

Ms. Bouchra would refer it to as a 3 kg sugar bag in you which goes everywhere you go like your shadow. It's hurt when you're hurt, it's happy when you are. :) And when you're alone it gives you the best company, be in a dentist waiting room too. :)

Nearly all mothers will carry their baby on their left side so that the baby's head is next to the mother's heart. Hearing a mother's heartbeat soothes a baby.


God's just so Great. :)

To Those Who Cared

What have we done? Lives gone, tears wasted, money spent, for what? It just left hundreds widowed. It left even more orphans, those with no support anymore, and here we are relaxing while brave men fight. They fight like never before. They spend every day training, sweating, and working just so they can protect us. In the end they're just buried, buried with all the rest, those of other clans too. So where is it all gone? What have we done?

They fought for us and we shed a tear only for those who were acquaintances. Maybe I survived just because of one brave soldier who's long gone while I live my life. I don't know who ever he was, I don't know how he fought, I don't know who he left behind to weep but I salute him. They are the ones who deserve paradise while all we do is pray just when in crisis.

Where is 'Unity, Faith, Discipline' gone? Why are we helpless now? From earthquakes to red alerts of wars, why are we just stranded? Why is there no one to care about the poor now? Why are the richer only getting richer? Where has the passion gone? Is this why we demanded a separate homeland so that we could bury it in just by a different way, time-bombs, bullets, satan?

Think of those who left their children behind just to make a future for us. Think of those who got robed, stolen, beaten, raped just so they could add to the majority of Muslims, is this unfair, watching your own country's downfall when you can do something but are just afraid to? All we're doing is internal fighting. That's it. Why? For we are Pakistanis first and only then Sindhis, Punjabis, Pathans, Balouchis. Get out of the phase of only PPP, MQM or ML, fight for the country and not just for someone. It's just a matter of a wise thought.

So wake up and at least realize what we've done, what we're doing and what the consequences will be. The point of all this is just to write it out, just because the gun's loaded and the trigger be pulled anytime, so to become nationalities of the world's most dangerous country. To all those 'terrorists', to all those who kill their own blood, to all those who're wrong but urge as right, get a life. Think with your foolish brains as to me your just cannibals.

May my country live long and prosperous Ameen and may God protect it from all those murderers.

Pakistan Zindabad.

Beat It

They Told Him Don't You Ever Come Around Here
Don't Wanna See Your Face, You Better Disappear
The Fire's In Their Eyes And Their Words Are Really Clear
So Beat It, Just Beat It

You Better Run, You Better Do What You Can
Don't Wanna See No Blood, Don't Be A Macho Man
You Wanna Be Tough, Better Do What You Can
So Beat It, But You Wanna Be Bad


Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It
No One Wants To Be Defeated
Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight
It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right


Just Beat It, Beat It
Just Beat It, Beat It
Just Beat It, Beat It
Just Beat It, Beat It


They're Out To Get You, Better Leave While You Can
Don't Wanna Be A Boy, You Wanna Be A Man
You Wanna Stay Alive, Better Do What You Can
So Beat It, Just Beat It

You Have To Show Them That You're Really Not Scared
You're Playin' With Your Life, This Ain't No Truth Or Dare
They'll Kick You, Then They Beat You,
Then They'll Tell You It's Fair
So Beat It, But You Wanna Be Bad


Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It
No One Wants To Be Defeated
Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight
It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right


Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It
No One Wants To Be Defeated
Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight
It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right
Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It


Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It
No One Wants To Be Defeated
Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight
It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right


Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It
No One Wants To Be Defeated
Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight
It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Who's Right


Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It
No One Wants To Be Defeated
Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight
It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right


Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It
No One Wants To Be Defeated
Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight
It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right
Just Beat It, Beat It
Beat It, Beat It, Beat It

Lifehouse

Sometimes it's good to be left alone. No one gets hurt that way.

I don't swear a lot. I only do when I'm very high or very low. I go high and low very easily and mostly I'm neutral. Maybe it's just one of those phases everyone talks about, you know. Sad, slow songs make me all sad and low. I once found hope in Chris Brown's Forever maybe because of its lyrics or something.

I have this thing for those '25 random things about you' notes on Facebook.

So well I love the music from the '80s, the music is just so wow. I love Michael Jackson's songs no matter what he was, what he's become and all such stuff. There's so much pop, rock 'n' roll followed by the ever-loved easy listening. There still are some issues whether music is haram or not, though I think it is. That's a whole different topic to discuss.

I really want to have a guy to flirt. I'm not a playa or anything, though it sounds like that. Life is too boring right now and I need some sort of just those good things which make you want to live and have some drama in life.

I love paintings and abstract stuff; things with intensity. Such art just leaves me thinking and there's so much variety of what everyone thinks of just a single painting.

I love my bunk bed, it's a whole different world up there, though all simple and plain but it's one of the few places which accept me in every state I may be in.

I want to know everything about everything. For that reason, I love dictionaries and Wikipedia.

I also found my iPod which doesn't work because of its stupid Hold button but I'll get it fixed as soon as Biology leaves me alone for at least two hours.

I'm quite jealous of the Math students in my class because they aren't in any sort of pressure we're in but at times I feel satisfied because who has passion for becoming a gynecologist. I do. (H) Even though the thought of poking my finger into other's thing is just very ew and gross.

No matter how much I try, I just can't like 'paindo' people. I just can't. It's like dude, what the ef is wrong with you?

Haha, my net is very irritating at times. Many people hate it. *proud emoticon*

Two things that ever scared me were these videos about Shaytan on youtube.com and this dajal-voiced-guy who called me 3 A.M some freaky night.

I love the Backstreet Boys.

They finished the colour codes on Blogger… which makes me very very sad. I love colour. =(

I find khusras VERY scary though I'm not scared of them or so. They're like clowns to me with freaky make-up and paindo style.

I always loved nouns and hated adjectives even besides curriculum.

I think Linksys is better than SpeedTouch but just to love what I have, I make myself think that SpeedTouch is the best.

That's the same case with my Dell and Toshiba laptops.

I have a psycho cousin on the loose. =/

I love Lil Wayne's voice though it's pretty annoying after a minute.

I really want to study Religion especially about Sunni-ism and Shia-ism. I am a Sunni but all I know about that is that I believe in one God and that Hazrat Muhammad (P.B.U.H) was the last prophet of Allah. Of course, there's more than just that but these are the basis. =D

I take pride in the fact that Massari has my nickname in his name- Sari =D Also, that my favorite WWE wrestler, the Undertaker, has my name tattoo-ed on his neck. =D

I love Mr.Pringle and my hawt E66. I also love Mahir, the guy who goes in my school van and also the little cartoon on Al-Marai milk cartons. =D I'm very conscious about Mahir, since he was going to get kidnapped and hit by a car yesterday.

I find gays also weird but I think I like them. =? I mean just the talk about gays, and not gays as such. Well, I don't really mind them but isn't straight better? Whatever God wanted.

So finally my internet starts working but my battery's dying. I own three laptops and well the desktop is for family and I love it.

Shit. I just realised Rija's brother's leaving tomorrow! =|

شارع حسين بن علي

No day is perfect. Nobody is perfect and when they say "I'm nobody", they're just very lame. It's about me today. Just what I think, what I feel. I don't even care about the stupid lame-ass incomplete language I type in, that with no grammar rules. Ugh. As you all know, this is just an online diary so take it that way. It's not for you but merely for my own existence.

So I think I have had the worst starting of the month. I lose my calculator and it just wasn't a calculator and I'm not even over-reacting. I love my things.
Everything. I don't like losing things because I have too much to lose, really. When I was in grade 7, I kind of broke my webcam and well I felt so guilty since then I haven't bought a camera and last year I kind of lost our digital camera and blegh. I cried my ass off and made a fool out of myself in front of my whole extended family with my dad consoling as I was to get married or something. I'm very conscious about my possessions. So I lost my first calculator and I'm not buying another one in hope that I'll find it back and somewhere deep within I know I won't. Then there's my dictionary which I LOVE so much. Yes, a dictionary. I love dictionaries, especially this one with like super cool Australian English thing. So my youngest sister kind of misplaced it and I lost my temper. I have a very bad temper when I'm already low. Alhamdulilah I found it. So recently, I lost my IGCSE certificate and though it is like all of little use in getting into a university but it's my first educational board certificate and all, so I'm all very depressed and I can't find it. =/

So today I had like this wow morning with breakfast in school with coffee from Hiba and Dunkin' Donuts' Munchkins which Hajra got for all of us. We had much more than all that, so the day was like perfect. Until I found out we're going to loser-ass FantasyLand for our field trip. I mean what the ef dude? FantasyLand is for like loser-ass kidos. Ugh. I so hate my school and then all the pressure of studies as if they're the only thing which exists in the world. I'd rather spend my entire day all alone in Sahara Mall or even in my room rather than FantasyLand. Such torture to the XX! I tried retaliating but no, they just want their own rules and regulations. So yes ef my life.

As God said, jahalat will repeat itself and in a way maybe you don't understand it but I do.