Monday, March 30, 2009


So I'm still discovering the secrets the Earth encloses, I'm still opening cupboards to find leftovers. I'm still typing to make new words and new sentences to make new paragraphs and so disclosing new aspects of life. So like I begin to post something serious, something meaningful to the other side of me. Something more than colourful text and images full of life, because there's always a tear after a smile so be ready for it and not whine after you set your own consequences.

I'm tired of life, not high with it and not low. I am just plain bored, tired. Because I think of death everyday. Every single day since last week, and it is so freaky because I'm scared of the phone ringing, I'm scared when someone shouts my name, I am scared when my dad reaches home late, and I'm even scared when Sibgha doesn't wake up from her deep sleep. I think I should stop thinking a lot about it since it's bad to think too deep since it affects you, I think.

Everyday there's some news of someone dying and it increases day by day and it's so sad. Why is it so sad, why? Why do bad news exist? Why can't life just be happy? Why is poverty on it's highest scale? Why can we just not sleep all day, why can't we just relax and live life the way we want to? Eat peanuts so much without gaining in a calorie, why not just relax and swim so deep that it's hard to rise to the surface? Why can't we swim in the cool, deep blue sea and just swim so good that you don't have to breathe? Why can't we just dance on streets without people staring at us? Why is life not easy as 1, 2, 3? And there exist so many more questions.

I wonder how many ants I would've killed in my whole entire life, yes, by mistake but there would be so many. And if I alone kill that much, what about the whole of Pakistan? And of course, the global killing of ants. But they must have their own mechanisms about it.

So the whole point is, right now, just right now for the first time in my entire life, I had tears in my eyes and I did not cry. It's not because I'm missing someone or I got scolded or I was slapped or hurt by the handle of the door or any such matter. I just teared because I was low, and still am low. Is that bad? It shouldn't be, should it? It's okay to cry, yeah? To let out the anger, the sadness and even the foremost happiness?

I would want a perfect life. A life without the excess use of the internet. I'm not addicted, okay maybe I am. I'm just disgusted by the thought that I spend hours on the most useless thing and mostly, just doing nothingand just staring at the screen waiting for something to pop up and say surpirse and worse of all facebook-ing. Honestly, facebook should die. It's just an excuse to stalk people. 'Omg. X just uploaded a picture with her skin showing, omg, she's so going to hell.' Ef that. And then you start reading their comments and wham, it's all over facebook and soon the whole school knows about it all. 'She has more guys in her friend list than girls, omg, she got a ticket to hell!' Like you're so good, haina? Uf. And then their amazingly cheap statuses in which they never the goddamn person's name and go like... 'He's such a dash, he dumped me! :( :( :( :( :'((((((' UFF. And then you click on more comments to see whether you know who the guy was. Faltoo kaam. So maybe, I'll just deactivate the worst part of my life for a while, just stay away from people who are just too farigh.

So now it's like 8.40 which is effed because I have a Unit 2 test of Chemistry and I haven't studied shit and all I've done is sit back and found a major excuse to make my bum more fat and blunt and wide. Moreover, gained adipose on my tummy, and my thighs and legs and because of wow Biology, I don't even have time to work out or drink water.

No, that's my fault, I can't blame bio for everything, give it a break. Millions of people studies more than I do and never ended up with a dry, bad skin with pinkness over the fair and so you're like a blend with patches and then of course, so wide, it's hard to carry your own arse. So it's like inevitable to be disgusted by it sometimes. Life goes on and people leave, people come you succeed, and you fail; ups and downs.

I think I blame my lowness to my exclusive iTunes playlist because, it's always at shuffle so I'll be listening to the most jolly song ever and in the next 4 minutes it switches to an R'n'B and soon to easy listening and the sad love songs. Just like, 'Now That You're Gone' by Ryan Adams. It's so low, that it pulls you from your highest enery leve to the lowest and thus releasing a photon of light. And so it's about time, I get up, scramble to my feet to catch a branch of silsa and escape from the swallowings of the quick-sand. Enough. =p

So, ladies and gentleman, I give you a happier version of me, once again and I hope I drink water now, since the spices have drained the H2O out of me.

Live your life, even in the cold November rain.

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