Now that you're gone. No, you never went away, deep inside you left a mark, a scar. A scar, never to be erased, never to be forgotten. It wasn't a matter of life or death. Maybe I made a mistake, maybe you made a mistake too, but either way I wanted it to go, continue. Go on and give something fruitful. Maybe. But, you just left me stranded just the next day, as if we were strangers. Were you afraid? Afraid of the society? Society that just laughed because they loved your laugh? While society meant all, I was what for you. Oh yes, just the simple darn. Ah. How predictful.
But life went on, didn't it? You went your way, while I waited, waited in hope. I don't regret it, I don't because it made me learn a lesson I should've. I don't feel a fool, because I just acted human, like you. Or were you human back then? I still find you, maybe just for pleasure. I still try to dream about you, I did type 'try'. Maybe, it's over. Over since long. Maybe I'm just slow like my metabolism. Oh well, I made many excuses to turn the truth upside down. But I guess you haven't forgotten of 'it' and have long forgotten me. :)
Yes, of course. The way your eyes met mine, the butterflies, and then that one blink which would bring me back to the ground. The late nights, the ruffling of your hair, the playing with the cold toes. *sigh* Now, that you're gone, it's all just memories. Truth be told, I miss you at times, miss you so much, that eventually I do dream about you, eventually I do think of you with every sad lyric, while you just sms. And that also sms everyone but me, from Mustafa to i-don't-know-who-else.
I remember how you respected me, and if I said yes it was a yes to you too. Where's everything gone? :) Where? And now the basement is just a historical place for me, something antique, something I think about everyday, and never show it. When I'm high, I'm high because of you, when I'm low, I'm low because of you. Because I'm me, and that's what I love, I love me the way I am and so that's why I'm high, just to show you that after 3 years, I'm still staying alive. I'm still breathing. :) Are you?
Crime scene never gets disturbed. I can't cut the part of my life, because I want to. Maybe I don't want to. And why do I feel like puking? Water after coffee? Or is it you?
I think sometimes, I think whether I should ever tell my future-partner about you, me and the history we share? And how you'd react to me getting married, getting far from you, not anymore your's, and is that okay? Of course, you'll never answer, because you'll never know.
You said you'll be a software engineer, stay at home, help the kids out, while I'm busy at the hospital. Now, it just makes me smile. How'd you ask me to lay besides you just so I could play with your hair. :) How'd I tell you what hairstyle to keep because you loved your hair more than me. How'd I always tell you not to apply gel because it would ruin your hair's texture and so you stopped using it... :)
So after all these years, 3 years man, 3! I hope you get what you need, or whatsoever makes you live. Because, I'm gone and you've lost me. The rest is in destiny's hand.